Friday, 25 December 2009

Santa Clause wants to eat your kids!!!!!

Its true, Santa can't just subside on minced pies and sherry all the time, he needs dietary supplements. Since children and elves are the only available resource Santa has taken to eating them for dinner.

His tactic is simple, let your prey come to you. He targets his victims in shopping centres, enticing them onto his lap to "ask what they want for Christmas". Santa then opens his mouth and gobbles the child in one bite. Ever wondered what he needs such a large belly for?

Of course Santa is able to swallow a whole child because of his magic powers, the same that allow him to visit every ones houses in in under 12 hours and fit down blocked or non existent chimneys.

Another thing is his cloaking abilities, Santa is thousands of years old. You don't get cheeks that rosy when you live in Lapland and eat minced pies, elves and children and rely on sherry for hydration. The truth is Santa's true form is that of a dry crone that hides its hideous form by using a cloaking device "borrowed" from Harry Potter.

No comments:

Post a Comment